ذكراك

أوراق مبعثرة لي بدأت في ترتبيها منذ فترة... أثناء ذلك وجدت تلك المحاولة البسيطة لي في كتابة هذه الأسطر التي جسدت مشاعري في تلك الفترة...

ذكراك

هل لي أن أعيش على ذكراك؟

أم أنه يتحتم علي أن أنساك؟!

أظنه يجب أن أنساك..

.فلم أبقيك في فكري وأنت من باع الذي يهواك

بعتي الذي باع أهله وناسه لينول رضاك...

لربما لم يتكمن في يوم من توصيل عشقه الى مولاته،

لكنه لم يخن من أحبه وهواه!

ها هو تاءهٌ حائرٌ يحاول أن يتقبل فكرة فرقاك...

لكنه إلى اليوم لم يستطع أن ينساك...

لأنك ببساطة...

كنت أجمل ما رأت عيناه

وأخبث من عاشرت روحه في هذه الحياة

For GOD's Sake

Every moment in my life is a small part of love. I was born with feelings that I am different. I can feel people from the way they live. From the way they talk. From the way they walk. From the clothes they wear. From the way they move.


I never thought that life is going to pass me that roughly, but it did, and it still does. for days and nights I always thought that love is happiness, that love is relaxations, that to love someone, is to make a commitment to...


Days passed me even months, and inside me is a strong conflict, where am I going to be, when will I find my self, with the person I love with the person I care about... "With the person I WANT"!!!



After every end of relationship I die. So I decided to be alone again and again. As me and loneliness we become soul mates. I can't move away from it even for a min.

Before. I was thinking that loneliness means to have no one around you. But it's wrong. Loneliness is when your heart escape from your body. And you start looking about it in your chest. But in place of it you will find your heart giving you a small note... saying "I NEED YOU"!!!

the FAKE mask

Its funny or maybe shall I say ironic, how people act in the presence of the other or others...
People keep asking you "So how are you? Are you Ok!!!"
And you give it a second before you go and wear your FAKE smile!
Can you wear a smile, you will wonder!
Well... yeah it's just like a mask, but it won't cover your whole face, it can't hide your eyes (the truth of ever one)... But who cares to look to you in the eyes to figure out what's going on with you!
If you already smiled and said "I'm Ok!" They will buy it and believe you like really that every thing is Ok!!! Even most of them know that you really have some troubles and you are not Ok!!! But they just want to see the smile face...

I think no one cares anymore... it's a busy life as they say... Sooo let's celebrate this wonderful life we are living and f**k the game's rules!!!

TELL THEM...

When they disappoint your soft feelings and break your simple dreams...
When they leave you like days do, like your age goes...

When a big pain grows in your poor heart, just because they left you alone!!!

After all of that the days bring them back to your life again! How you are going to receive them?!? What you are going to say to them?!?

TELL THEM...

That you have forgot them... You turned your heart back to them... And you walked into the opposite way where they are not there... Because maybe there, in that way, you can find new people deserve you...

TELL THEM...

That the days never repeated again... That the stages never back again... And now you won't them, just like what they did when you were need them...

TELL THEM...
That your dreams ended when they left you alone...

TELL THEM...
That you cried a lot tell you become so sure that they dead and will never back again...

TELL THEM...
That you don't have the ability to bring them back to life after they chosen to die inside your heart...

TELL THEM...
That when they left you, it let you to rediscover yourself, to rediscover the things surrounded you... To find that there is a lot much better than them... And let you to donate your life to the beautiful things around you...

TELL THEM...
That you have repainted yourself... And you have removed there fingerprints from your deep inside walls... That you have stripped the knifes they had planted in your back...

TELL THEM...
That you reborn again, and you are so careful to purficate the space they have used to stay in... And your clean area now doesn't widen for them any more...

TELL THEM...
That you have closed all the waiting stations after they left... And you stopped wearing yearning clothes, stopped staring arrivals faces, searching in crush for them smell... Hopefully that a good chance may bring them back to you again...

TELL THEM...
That they have expired, and your heart beats are not for them any more...

TELL THEM...
That the space in your memory is not for them any more... because you won't fell it with sad and pain again...

TELL THEM...
That you have hemorrhaged them like your blood... That you have downed them like a dead baby... That you have released them from your heart like birds from cage... That you have closed all the doors and you won't open it again to people who don't deserve it at all...

TELL THEM...
That every sense has a time... Every dream has a time... Every story has a time... Every happiness has a time and every sadness have a time like every one have a time!!! And now... Thier time has ended!

TELL THEM...
Don't tell them anything...
Receive them silently!!! Some times silence have a strong ability to express what words can't explain!!!

Together

I don't want to tell you what's going on with me

What's happened to me in this life…

I want to start my life with you again

To start where no one is there...

I don't want to tell you what's going on with me
What's happened to me in this life…

I want to start my life with you again

To start where no one is there...

I don't want to tell you what the matter is

What had broke my hope

What made my smile just a pain

I don't want to tell you what's going on with me

Take me with you

Hold my hand and take me with you

Take me to the no where

Where is no injustice there...

Take me with you

My heart is only for you...

Take me with you

All what happened before

I won't remember anymore...

Take me with you

Even it's not a true...

Take me with you

I don't want to tell you what's going on with me

When I feel you are beside me

I can go with you to our life,

just to live there with you

How I would like to spent my life

When I feel you are beside me

I don't want anyone here

When I feel you are beside me

I can feel the true love

I want to live my life with you

When you are beside me

I can feel the warm of sun...

When you are beside me

I can expulsion my fears...

When you are beside me

My life is just a heaven

Idon't want to tell you what's going on with me!

I don't want to tell you what's going on with me

What's happened to me in this life...

I want to start my life with you again

To start where no one is there

I won't tell you what the matter is

What had broke my hope

What made my smile just a pain

I won't tell you what's going on with me

DIED

They have told me that the human be can DIE more than hundred time!!! I didn't believe that tell I DIED more than thousand time!!!

I died when you KILLED me by your kind...
I died when you made me BELIVE your promises...
I died when you ACCUSED me of something I didn't do...
I died when you LEFT me alone in the dark...
I died when you DENIED me and keep acting that u still want me...
I died when you are CELEBRATING your life while you watching my tears...
I died when I saw your REAL FACE for the first time...
I died when I discovered how CRUEL life is...
I died when I realized that all my MEMORIES were just PEOPLE ACTING....
I died when I discovered that I am a BIG FOOL...

Is it that easy when people treat you as a dead person!!! I decided to live again to have another chance for better DEATH!!! But tell that I'm suffering my life... Every time I pass in a place where we used to go together...when you said a word that you used to say... the pictures, messages and calls...every thing in my life going to reminds you of me, SORRY I mean remind me of you...

I used to have a place to go when I am sad...
A chest to cry on when I feel bad...
A hug when I feel alone...
A hand that can left me up every time I am down...

I used to feel in those days that I'm in the safest place on the earth, with the kindness person in the world!!!

How can I forget.. And how did they can forget all of that, is it that much easy...
Shall I wait them to come back to me?
Can I trust them again...
IF they come back? Shall I forgive them...
I don't know the answer yet!!! But what im sure about that tell now they still in my life, and i wont them out even keeping them here in my life killing me softly...
I'm going to wait for new actors for my play to help me to forget who killed me softly, even i wont forget them...

And finally I DIED when I REALIZED the SIMPLE TRUTH!!!

Why

Why I thought that he is gonna be the first one beside me!!!

Why I thought that he is gonna be the closest one to me specially in this case!!!

Why i thought that he will keep asking about me!!!

Where is his promisses about being together forever???

Where is his promisses that he will never forget me even after my death???

Maybe I didn't got him, or maybe he changed his mind!!! but why he didn't told me that he won't me the best of his best any more!?! Im still thinking about him... Still waiting everything he promissed to do for me...

I'm not mad for what is happening to me or what happened to me!!! because i used to have a treatment like this from people were so close to me, more than anyone can image!!! i swear that he ment and he still means alot to me, coz he know that he is more than a friend to me...

So, what can I do, to solve this out?!? I thought that i means to him much more than he showed or did to me!!! maybe i didnt got him, but this is what im feeling right now...

One thing I would like to say in the end... Thanks alot for everything, and I was there, and as I used to be; i'll stay there for anyone needs or wants me :0)

With all of my love...